The Gift Of Pain and Suffering

Yesterday the plumber came on time, and did the descaling maintenance on our tankless water heater. He said that if a unit is over five years old, don't try it. Ours was a little over one year old, so it was okay. Our unit is a Rheem, the Ford of tankless water heaters and you buy it from Home Depot. They install a slightly nicer unit, but ours would be fine.

He was clean, fresh, and smiling even though he had on a mask for all the Covid precautions. He was kind and friendly, and I appreciated his attitude for the work.

I asked him to double check everything on the installation. Our renovators to the home cut corners and costs, and since everything worked I just wanted to be sure it was okay with the way it had been set up. It was, no worries. And he said that kind of cost savings (unlicensed workers) is very common these days.

He finished, signed for me on the iPad so it would be touchless, and I gave him a twenty dollar tip.

Hours later, it was time to clean the bunny, and no hot water.

I ran a sinkful of water, all cold.

A strange error message came up, 11 F, where the temperature readout is.

My whole life started crashing before me. The single mother thing. The not being able to do anything right. How every time I try to improve something it gets worse and there is a damn 'lesson' attached to it...

I called the company, and the soonest they could sent someone out is the next day. In the afternoon. No hot water, no washing dishes, no shower, nothing. I asked him incredulously why the guy didn't test the unit when he was done? He didn't know.

Then it came to me in a flash. Look up the warning code on the Rheem unit online. I did. And it appears this warning comes up a lot, it was super easy to find. The gas line was turned off. I saw the valve, it was against the flow (yes, I can tell what a gas line looks like now, compared to water lines.) I opened it, and BOOM! We had hot water.  I had Anthony call the guy to cancel the appointment, and I sent him a screenshot of the warning and how I fixed it.




I was cooking dinner last night, and Anthony's friends from elementary school who go to a different high school invited him to play a video game with him.  He used to have a membership, but it had erased his Xbox Gold, months ago. He straightened it out with Xbox, they gave the value back.

He couldn't play without buying the game, and he didn't like the game, anyway.

My heart reached out for him. I gently explained that when people ask you to play, even if you don't like the game, play with them, because they are your friends. I would pay for the game, just so he could play.  He thanked me very much for being 'cool' and supporting him.

Our dinner was ambitious, teriyaki chicken and rice, salad, and homemade boba pearl milk tea. My friend Regina texted me, with a picture of her peach cobbler which was beautiful. We talked a little. I'm so glad she reaches out.

Dinner was ready, and Anthony couldn't leave the game.

It turned into Date Night for me and Ross. I kind of liked it, having Anthony busy.

I'm not much of a conversationalist, and I was hungry, and I ate and enjoyed the meal. I took care to put the rice in a little rice bowl and add the chicken on top of it, and to use my favorite Japanese chopsticks. Ross had me wait for the Boba as if it was dessert.

I asked him what was the hardest part of his day?  He balked a little, because Galactics don't talk that way, and I rephrased it so he would understand--what was the biggest challenge you overcame today and what breakthrough did you get from it?

He said he found a new way to talk to me directly and it worked.

Remember how the help came to me in a flash with the water heater error message?

I'm pretty sure that was it. I didn't clarify and Ross and I don't talk a whole lot. To be honest what he said was like, the most he ever shared about anything and I was super grateful for that. I didn't want to push my luck.

After the meal, I worked on the puzzle with him. It's called the Water of Life. There's a woman in biblical apparel getting water out of a stream with a big jug that looks ancient, and Ross, kind of ghostly in outline, is pouring an even bigger jug into the stream in front of her jug.

It's a super difficult one thousand piece puzzle, but we are getting there. I know he's helping when parts that seem impossible I suddenly find and they match.

We chat a little while we work on the puzzle, but not a lot. After a while it was time for bed.

Anthony stayed up until one am and I made him go to bed. He was laughing and having fun.



If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish, he will eat for his whole life...as long as there are fish.

There are plenty of fish.

Ross and I are teachers, for a long time.

Yesterday we wrote about how we don't try to get every cent out of our work by promoting ads and monetizing everything we do. Not YT. Not FB. Not here on this platform.

Today I saw I was taken out of a FB group. I wondered why? I looked. I saw. Nobody had told me anything.

Apparently in a separate group, I follow just as loosely--both groups are organized by my students--and they don't charge either...one student quoted us and a person went off saying bad things about me.

We have an elite group of students. Our tuition is ten dollars a month, and we don't send invoices or keep track. Some people pay a little extra to cover for those who can't pay. Some have tough financial circumstances. The whole reason for the tuition is for the students to demonstrate they are interested in participating on a regular basis. I don't sweat over it, but I rejoice whenever money comes in and it helped at one time to pay for Anthony's drum lessons. One week a month this funded it. The other weeks I did.

It hurts what happened with that person who is speaking bad about me.

I'll tell you the story and the lesson.

My first Karuna Reiki student chose me. Wanted to learn it from me. Made a point to come to my home to learn it. I have extremely limited free time, as you know.

My mistake is that the energy exchange for Karuna Reiki One is two hundred and ninety five dollars today. My teacher Anne offers pre-registration and two, three or four payment plan options. Anne is very strict about people paying first before they set foot in any advanced class she offers.

Even for her open practicum session, I just paid thirty dollars to her in advance just so I can participate. I paid her invoice today.

My investment, not counting the Reiki education all the way to Reiki Master, but for Karuna to Karuna Reiki Master to be able to teach it, is one thousand twelve hundred and eighty five dollars.

If you were to go to a Karuna Holy Fire Master course with Karen Harrison, for three days to learn everything, it would be one thousand and twenty five dollars, payable in advance.

My mistake was not to collect the payment in advance with that first student. I wasn't clear.  I had assumed that the hours of preparation (it's really difficult the attunement and you have to prepare the space before the student shows up), the photocopying of the manual and buying the binder for it, and the certificate...plus six hours of my weekend...are a huge energy exchange.

I was given a necklace. Silver chain. Rutilated quartz. A nice piece, given in love, yes.

I didn't suck it up, the loss of energy exchange. I explained plainly and simply and asked for payments.

This student was thinking friendship. She never once asked the fee or price.

That's why she's angry and upset.

It's a fruit from pain, this lesson, and I know in the future to make everything clear.

My second Karuna Reiki student was a little more sophisticated in this whole process. I offered the teaching from my heart, and I expected nothing in return. Teaching a class like this blows your circuits for a day or two, the energy transfer is huge that flows through you. I didn't mind. This was a close friend. And I was offered a healing in return, also something I didn't expect, one using the Emotion code, something new to me. It was an excellent healing and I'm thankful for it.

Even for the certificate, I didn't have the heart to ask for the certificate fee and postage, it wasn't that much, not like hundreds of dollars. But the friend bought me a copy of the Emotion Code, and sent it. I also got emailed copies of the work of Dolores Cannon.

I am proud of this student, and thankful for his honoring the energy exchange.




This is Saraswati. She is the Hindu goddess of learning and knowledge in India. She is respected! They understand that without education, your chances of a prosperous life are very low.

My attending Rani Asrani, MD, taught me this valuable lesson about Saraswati. We do not put our books on the floor, she admonished me, in the operating room, we show our respect and value for knowledge.

Dr. Asrani had an unusual game we would play. When I would learn something from her, I would repay her the next time I saw her with a small gift worth about twenty five cents, just to show I value her gift of education, and for this to further honor Saraswati and show I value being able to learn. And when I did well, and mastered something that was taught, Dr. Asrani would bring me a gift, the same very small value, but to show her appreciation of my efforts as a student, and for me to know Saraswati is pleased by my efforts.

We would give small pieces of fruit, candy, a pencil, very small things, but it helped to show our progress in education, both as teacher and student, and it was very enjoyable, surprising one another with these small gifts.

I had never heard of Reiki, I didn't ever know about Karuna, or Ross and our legacy of teaching spiritual things--but this was my first and most gracious introduction to the concept of Energy Exchange.

I feel sad that Karuna Reiki student one, and I are no longer on speaking terms, and further, this lesson's pain has made me leave a group of people I care about. I was just taken out of it without warning from the admin.

I was defended by my best friend. I heard of it but couldn't see it and will talk about it with her later. She's the best...



I had an hour-long phone call with one of my favorite cousins yesterday. He and I just 'click', and always have. He married into the family when I was about thirteen, but our conversations have always been of spirit and of the mind and very enjoyable.

He wanted medical information about the Covid. It will help him position his work when they start back up again.

I was happy and kind of tickled and honored that I had information to share that was useful for him.

He's also rock solid in Spirit. Very Christian. And we talked. About a lot of things. I can't share everything with you, because I don't want people to know too much.

His work brings him very close--face to face--with the ASSC.

I told him I couldn't do it, I would throw up.

He said, 'that's okay. I'm an asshole. But I'm needed and it's better to be needed than liked in this industry.' He sets very clear boundaries on what he is willing to do, and what he isn't.  He says, 'that's okay if you want to do it that way that's fine but you're going to have to do it without me.'

He taught me some important things. I think one of the best is that sometimes God uses people temporarily. I asked him about his opinion of the whole thing going on with the lawsuit and Out of Shadows. God used the opportunity for the highest good, but now, that the movie is out, not so much with those people who made it.

I told him from my heart that with everything that's going on, I'm frightened for Anthony and keeping up a brave front. He said as adults we talk with each other, and we keep things positive for the children, and it's going to be okay. Not to worry about the implantable chips. He said God puts us in places for a reason, and as long as God wants us there, we are supported and succeed.



That got me thinking. I'm a deep person, I love to think, and make connections and identify patterns.

This cousin's mom remarried, and when she did, he was sent away to military school. He was alone, nobody liked him, and he had to fend for himself.

I realized that for him, the experience was Asshole 101 courtesy of Divine Creator. It prepared him for his role to play in Ascension. And he's playing it well.

My cousin, his wife, was terribly abused physically as a child. Lots of anger, lots of violence she received in her home. But she also got the training in her sport, from as young as six. The very best training.

The result? She's absolutely fearless. Has no fear. And totally loves God. She was prepared well for Ascension too.

Here is something deep for you to think about . Two videos:




This was my preparation. It was my early life experience at the babysitter. I was hungry, soiled, lonely, afraid, and the babysitter was a total drunk who didn't give a shit about me.

Nothing I could do, no behavior I could muster, could bring her away from the alcohol to me, to care for my needs.

As a matter of fact, the times she did, she reeked of alcohol, and when I am near a drunk and catch a whiff something in me relaxes and says, 'now everything is going to be okay'.

There's only a short window of time for us to build these social attachment skills.

Mine was ruined forever. The Emotion Code helped, a little, so at least I could see how bad it really was, I could assess the damage.

Did I learn to self-soothe? I wouldn't exactly call it that. It wasn't soothing. It was learning to wait, learning to ignore my needs, learning to shut up and suck up whatever fate was bringing me.

It troubles me.

It bothers me how people are so chatty and have these needs to socialize with each other and social distancing is painful to them.

You don't miss what you never had.

I have no fear to write about Ross and me and my growth to the world. I know actually the Truth is safest when it is hidden in plain sight, and furthermore, no one can fault you because nothing is hidden. It's right there.

God prepared me to wait until Ascension, being alone with my very high vibration, until fortunately--others of my soul family and Star Family were able to connect. I'm so grateful for this.

But they are far, far spread out across the world. 

And the one to hold me, is in Spirit. I tell him everything. And I can sense he shared his caring and protection and soothing with me. 

Just like when I was catastrophizing over the water heater.




I suffer in ways you couldn't even imagine, because I have near full consciousness of my life in the Higher Dimensions.

Very few come close to understanding what it's like, to be here with that kind of knowledge.

Today I woke up crying. I don't even want to get into it. If the being I was talking with understood the message, eventually I'll know. It's so hard to explain, and just like we say here 'it's a first world problem', it's genuinely a 'fifth dimension stuck here problem'.  My heart was breaking.

My teams came in for support, and reassured me everything is progressing on track.

So many here, incarnate, Lightworkers and not and the ASSC seem to think everything is one big party. Maybe they came here because they heard after Ascension the party would be good at the end, I don't know.

A planet is struggling for her life.

There is a spiritual war, and also, an information war that has really ramped up, it's mind boggling.

That's why Ross sent me from my tears, to have a cookie, to build the puzzle, and to go outside. I fed the birds, I pulled some weeds, I listened to the sounds and enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air. I let go and Ross told me to FORGET. Anthony was deeply sleeping and not expected to wake up for a long time.

I did all he said to do.

Then he told me to write.